If you are wondering why/how Where the Heart Sows started, then this blog post is for you.
I had this desire to start a blog for years (about 3 to be exact), and at first I was all in, no reservations.
It’s like everything/everyone is on your team. You think, “See! I knew this is what I should be doing!” and then… your mind decides it wants to be the knight in shining armor (sarcasm here…). Have you ever found yourself with a dream, goal, idea, and everything seems to line up but you let your self-doubt win?
If that fits you, please continue reading for my story (and, really the story of Where the Heart Sows).
The beginning (yes, I’m stealing that line)
As I mentioned above, in the beginning, the thought of a blog was exciting. I began doing research, tossing the idea around with friends/family, and everything just seemed to make sense. I found that I finally had that thing I was always searching for (hmm… what was that? Ahh yes, purpose!). I finally woke up each day with a purpose- create a blog with great (no, actually, *incredible*, content!), help those around me, and bring glory to God all at once. Big task, yes, but I was up for the challenge.
But then, as it usually does, my mind got the best of me. Self-doubt crept in…
Sneaky self-doubt
Self-doubt sucks. There, I stated the obvious, but I had to say it.
The initial source of self-doubt was my writing. I’ll be honest, I have typed, retyped, deleted, typed, deleted… so many times, I’ve lost count. The fact of the matter is, I am not (and have never really been) much of a writer. My grammar skills are not the best and don’t even get me started with spelling (thank you Jesus for spell check!). So, my thought was, if I can’t write well, how would people even 1. like my stuff and 2. get anything meaningful from my stuff.
But it didn’t stop there…
Persistent self-doubt
The fear of poor writing quickly morphed into many other fears (caused by my self-doubt). Not only was my writing not good, what would I even post about (I am an unashamedly all-over-the place type person, you know what I mean?), surely I wouldn’t be consistent (because I have always struggled with this!). I could continue to list all of the inadequacies I so easily threw at myself, but I don’t think they deserve that precious time nor space.
Once I was finally able to take a step back (some 3 years later), I realized that self-doubt was masquerading around, displaying all of my insecurities. Yet, don’t we all have some insecurities?
Sure, we do!
Turning it around
After discovering the root cause, I decided to do a trial run. One day, while away with my husband, I created a reel and posted it on the Instagram account I had made months prior. I thought, what’s the worst that could happen? I post and no one watches and/or likes it? Well at least I know that I tried! Or, as my husband says, “If not now, then when?”.
Checking my Instagram later, I was shocked to see the number of views climbing. Soon, I was at just over two thousand views!
Chugging along
I took this Instagram post (which surely did NOT go viral, but, hey, I was proud!), and decided to continue. I soon got my Facebook page active (after creating it a few months prior, too) and began brainstorming post/reel ideas. Remember that fear of inconsistency? I am proud to say that I have been consistent for MONTHS (thank you, Jesus!). I found myself brainstorming with family/friends, experimenting more in the kitchen, and letting go of my biggest insecurity… the one that was truly at the root of all of the self-doubt mentioned above…
Perfection. I was (and probably always will be) a perfectionist. I’ve had to let go of that desire and remind myself of one of my favorite phrases “progress over perfect”.
Perfectly imperfect
After all of these struggles, it brings me joy to see that my Facebook and Instagram pages have brought light, happiness, and ideas to others. That was truly the goal of this blog back when it’s idea was created.
One thing I promise to you and every other viewer is that I will always remain perfectly imperfect. I am human. I make mistakes just like everyone else. But, I promise to always be authentically Aubrie, free of filters, staging, etc. because that is real-life.
So, welcome to Where the Heart Sows (shout out to my mom for helping me with this name!)!
I hope that you were able to get a glimpse of this blog’s creation and see a piece of me. Even more, I hope that if you are dealing with self-doubt/insecurity/whatever you want to call it, that you see you’re not alone. If you are a perfectionist, you’re not alone. It’s okay to struggle and it’s okay to not be okay.
Most importantly, I pray that this blog brings light wherever you are in your journey. Always follow where your heart sows, wherever it may lead .
I’d love to hear from you! Tell me about yourself here!
